14 days and counting
Well today it has been two long and horrible weeks since my mom went on to her next life. I feel at times like she is sitting in the other room, and I just wait to hear her call my name. Then at other's, like yesterday, when I found out some really good news about finances for school, my first reaction was to run downstairs and tell her. But she wasn't there, and never will be again..
But I did tell her. I looked at her photo that I keep over my bed (so she can watch over me when I sleep) and I jumped up and down and yelled my cheers, just like I was actually talking to her. I know that she was here with me, celebrating. Cheering, just as hard, if not harder for me. I know that everyday is a challenge, and tonight is the first night I have been home alone. It's hard.... very hard.. my heart is racing so fast I think that cheechta's have taken up residence in my chest, and I haven't figured out if I want to cry or yell. But I do know that I feel her presence sitting beside me, waiting for either response..
This blog is definitley a help as well. I no longer have her to tell things too, but I do have these small writings. And somehow it's like I am talking to her, like somewhere out there she can read these words. I know that I am not alone in my sorrow, that my brother and dear sister-in-law, miss her incredible as well. My dad is lost, like a polar bear floating on an ice flow off the coast somewhere, not sure whether he is going to sink or swim, but watching ever other piece of ice for someone to help him stay afloat....
The loss that you suffer when someone that close to you dies is overwhelming. There really are no words that anyone can say to make you feel better. Mostly, they just annoy you. It never will get better, but I know in my heart that someday, it will be bearable. I know that with each new experience, the loss of my mom will effect me, forever I will think of the things that she will not be sharing with me. I know that she is looking down, and I hope that our sorrow doesn't hold her spirit her here longer than it should. She's needed somewhere else, to give her guidence, wisdom and love, to help someone else get through this thing we call life......
I miss you mom
But I did tell her. I looked at her photo that I keep over my bed (so she can watch over me when I sleep) and I jumped up and down and yelled my cheers, just like I was actually talking to her. I know that she was here with me, celebrating. Cheering, just as hard, if not harder for me. I know that everyday is a challenge, and tonight is the first night I have been home alone. It's hard.... very hard.. my heart is racing so fast I think that cheechta's have taken up residence in my chest, and I haven't figured out if I want to cry or yell. But I do know that I feel her presence sitting beside me, waiting for either response..
This blog is definitley a help as well. I no longer have her to tell things too, but I do have these small writings. And somehow it's like I am talking to her, like somewhere out there she can read these words. I know that I am not alone in my sorrow, that my brother and dear sister-in-law, miss her incredible as well. My dad is lost, like a polar bear floating on an ice flow off the coast somewhere, not sure whether he is going to sink or swim, but watching ever other piece of ice for someone to help him stay afloat....
The loss that you suffer when someone that close to you dies is overwhelming. There really are no words that anyone can say to make you feel better. Mostly, they just annoy you. It never will get better, but I know in my heart that someday, it will be bearable. I know that with each new experience, the loss of my mom will effect me, forever I will think of the things that she will not be sharing with me. I know that she is looking down, and I hope that our sorrow doesn't hold her spirit her here longer than it should. She's needed somewhere else, to give her guidence, wisdom and love, to help someone else get through this thing we call life......
I miss you mom
posted by Hope | 5/21/2005
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