My Warped Ideas

This is a site about the struggle's I have in my life. Thru it all, I hold out for one thing, HOPE. Thru all the darkness and when the light seems to be ever fading, I hold HOPE close to me, knowing that it alone, will guide my heart. JUST WHEN WE THINK IT WON'T HAPPEN, LIFE SUDDENLY STARTS AGAIN!!

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Location: Ontario, Canada

This is all about me, in the words that follow I show my struggle's, my fear's, my pain. Yet through it all, I hold out. For I believe there is one thing, that is always eternal in me, and that is my hope. My hope that through all the darkness, when light seems to be ever fading that no matter what way I turn I feel only coldness, I hold hope close to my soul, knowing that it alone, will guide me. That no matter the stuggle's, I have an angel that sits on my shoulder, and speaks quietly in my ear. I know that although I feel alone, I will never be.

3.23.2006

Moving Forward

March 23/2006


Sometime moving forward really does mean saying good-bye to things. Those things can either be in our past, or present or our hopeful future. How do we determine what to let go of. What are the things that we let go and the things we hold onto?
When you are sitting at home, music playing in the background and your mind racing, what pops in there? And when whatever it is does ‘pop’ inside your head, how does it make you feel?
We are sometimes concerned more with how those around us will be effected by our actions, but what about ourselves and our inaction? Our inability to move forward to let things go, or to stand-up and have that confrontation that we have been dreading? When does doing nothing, become more affective than doing something? How many times can one person be put on the bottom of a list and not eventually just say “ENOUGH!!”.
What time in our lives do we decide that we are important? That being important to no one is never as important as believing in your own self-worth. That no matter what the consequences we are going to stand for what is right. Not what is easiest, because sometimes the easy, safe road is the loneliest road of all. That regardless of who or what happens we will always have the ability to lie down at night and sleep with what has gone on during that day, that week.

How do we start to weed out what makes us happy from what makes us sad? Is removing something that sometimes makes us very happy, but more often sad better than leaving it alone. Hoping that it will heal it itself? Or do we worry that it will just fester and become gangrenous with hate and anger? A form of resentment that is left for those in our lives we either can’t face, or refuse to acknowledge the depth of what we feel for them. We will as is our nature, look somewhere else for comfort, a support that leads to no internal suffering. No agony of the chest that can feel like a thousand pounds of liquid oxygen is laying there. The pressure becomes so intense, so overpowering that we fight and struggle to release it. By any means necessary, just to lift that pressure. Is it easier to ignore your heart, out of fear, out of friendship or out of some imagined sense of human foolishness.
We walk around day in and day out looking for someone to fill that slice of our souls that has been absent. Well, what happens when you think you have found it, the other half, the better half of your karma. What happens when the timing is wrong, or the winds that guide us are twisting backwards and all we get is a sour taste instead of the infamous love.

How can anyone know what the right decision is? What the right moves are when it comes to human emotions. Is there anyone out there that truly understands and can either predict or justify the reasons that we choose to hurt those around us to protect ourselves, or hurt ourselves to protect someone around us?

There is never a right answer to any questions that have to deal with the human heart. There is mystery and pain. There is a fine line between love and hate. Some people mistake one for the other, but most never truly know love. For their fear or pain is too great, they abandon all hope that they will ever find it.

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