What's On The Other Side

That question has been so daunting to me these past several months. Right now I have been 'raising hell' with someone in my life and despite what he may think its not to be difficult, mean or hurtful. Its because I do see a way out of this whole awful mess. I do understand the dilemma that he is in, but alas there is nothing I can do to make him see things from the other side.
We all know that there is two sides to every story. Well in this case, there is more than two. No matter what happens in the coming weeks someone is going to hurt, and I fear that its going to be me. By design or fault of my own I have no idea. Yet somehow in my life hurting is what I seem to be the best at. I deal with it. What choose is there.

And when it comes to friends this seems to be no exception, and in my definition of the word I feel so alone. I have always struggled with friends over things, their views, my views, the fact that our views differ. Well this time, its a whooper and no matter what I am going to lose. I think that my mouth gets control of me and it runs free.
He wanted me to talk to him again and share what was going on, that's always my downfall. The truth is never on your side. No matter what, NO ONE wants the truth. They want to live in their bubbles. The ones they create to keep themselves safe and secure, and hidden from the world. If you only see what you want, you never have to worry about getting hurt. Your heart will never suffer if you never put it out there to get damaged. Well what's the point in living if you never know what true pain is? How will you ever know what 'true love' is if you have nothing to compare it too? I have lost greatly and I know now what love is. What it means to not only sacrifice for someone else, but want to sacrifice for someone else's happiness, now that's something all together new. Although you may know that in this action your heart will be shattered and splintered into so many pieces, you will cry yourself to sleep, you're heart will ache with the thought of them, the lose of them. Yet the solace is they are happy.
So why would anyone want to have blinders on about the truth of things in their lives? How or why would anyone want to have anyone in their lives that makes them look foolish? I guess I can answer that one. I have been continuously put in many situations in the past 6 months that have made me look not only foolish, but I think stupid as well. For standing for the silly little games and childish backstabbing that has been allowed to continue. I in my own mind have held out for hope. Hope that this ridiculous situation would end itself with little casualties, but I know now that isn't going to happen and I can hold out for hope to guide me yet in the end I am alone again in this fight.

These are supposed to be adults that I am dealing with, but the concept has been lost. But has it been lost on me, because yet again I look at it differently?

Let's look at the dictionaries description on what these two words are: friendship & adult....

FRIEND: friend ( P ) Pronunciation Key (friend)
n.
1.A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2.A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3.A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.
Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker.

tr.v. Archaic friend·ed, friend·ing, friends
To befriend.
FRIENDSHIP: friend·ship ( P ) Pronunciation Key (frndshp)
n.
1.The quality or condition of being friends.
2.A friendly relationship: formed many new friendships over the summer.
3.Friendliness; good will: a policy of friendship toward other nations.
Word History: A friend is a lover, literally. The relationship between Latin amcus “friend” and am “I love” is clear, as is the relationship between Greek philos “friend” and phile “I love.” In English, though, we have to go back a millennium before we see the verb related to friend. At that time, frond, the Old English word for “friend,” was simply the present participle of the verb fron, “to love.” The Germanic root behind this verb is *fr-, which meant “to like, love, be friendly to.” Closely linked to these concepts is that of “peace,” and in fact Germanic made a noun from this root, *frithu-, meaning exactly that. Ultimately descended from this noun are the personal names Frederick, “peaceful ruler,” and Siegfried, ”victory peace.” The root also shows up in the name of the Germanic deity Frigg, the goddess of love, who lives on today in the word Friday, “day of Frigg,” from an ancient translation of Latin Veneris dis, “day of Venus.”

n 1: a person you know well and regard with affection and trust; "he was my best friend at the university" 2: an associate who provides assistance; "he's a good ally in fight"; "they were friends of the workers" [syn: ally] [ant: foe] 3: a person with whom you are acquainted; "I have trouble remembering the names of all my acquaintances"; "we are friends of the family" [syn: acquaintance] 4: a person who backs a politician or a team etc.; "all their supporters came out for the game"; "they are friends of the library" [syn: supporter, protagonist, champion, admirer, booster] 5: a member of the Religious Society of Friends founded by George Fox (the Friends have never called themselves Quakers) [syn: Friend, Quaker]

Uh interesting, well this is what I think of when I think of friend. Someone that I will stand beside, someone that I will laugh with, fight with, cry with and share my happiest and saddest moments with, yet through it all I will know that they are there for me and I them, no matter what.
Hard to believe that I am alone on this sentiment.
what is a friend, I wish that someone would tell me.


So, the other:

ADULT: a·dult ( P ) Pronunciation Key (-dlt, dlt)
n.
1.One who has attained maturity or legal age.
2.Biology. A fully grown, mature organism.

adj.
1.Fully developed and mature.
2.Relating to, intended for, or befitting adults: adult education.
3.Containing or dealing in explicitly sexual material; pornographic: adult movies; adult bookstores
Main Entry: 2adult
Function: noun
1 : one that has arrived at full development or maturity especially in size, strength, or intellectual capacity
2 : a human male or female after a specific age (as 18 or 21)



Well that again is interesting. 'One that has arrived at full development or maturity especially in size, strength, or INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY'
Well its a shame that those silly children that I am forced to deal with in my personal life, are none of the above.
However what I am supposed to do? Do I sacrafice my bestfriend over all this foolishness? Do I allow someone that means so little to have such an influence? The ability to belittle and disregard al those around him and I? When do they get to stand up for themselves, the ones that are being mistreated? When do they get to speak out without fear of losing the one person we are all trying desperatley not to lose? As 'friends' there shouldn't be that fear. That if I tell you how I feel it will ruin our friendship! It doesn't ruin it going this way, but again the fact that I am somewhat unique is a fault that I have no control of.

When does the truth actually mean anything to anyone else?
Why do I feel so alone in my belief that friends stand beside each other, no matter the issues?
How do I fight for a friendship that seems to slip away the harder I fight?
Do I just let it go and pray and hope beyond all thought and reason that MY friend comes back to me?
Do I stand still.... waiting for lighting to strike me, so that I may understand how anyone could disregard, mistreat, abuse or neglect someone that they call friend?
Please anyone, someone help me understand what to do next? I am lost on this journey and although I know that life is full of curves, things we have no control over, all I want to know is when the next curve hits, will I be sitting there alone again? Will I have someone at my side this time? So that when the speedbumps that are inevitable in this life hit, they don't hurt so bloody much because I will have someone there to soften the hurt.

The truth never seems to be the answer to anyone's question. So I will lie, cheat and steal my way through ......................... oh hell no I won't, that's not who I am. I am just me! Imperfect, frustrating, difficult, confused and unfortunatley most of the time, I am alone.

I'm still proud of who I am, even if I have no one to sit beside me!!! The truth is my beacon, it is my way light to the future and I will not tarnish it with lies, deception and hurtful ways. I may spend my lifetime alone because of this belief in the truth, but I would rather be alone, then know that I have lied to those I love the most.