Negative thoughts.....

Recently someone told me that they seen me as a negative person. Maybe if it had been anyone else, this would have not bothered me so, but this came from someone I thought knew me, at least better than that. I know that life can get to me, as it does with anyone, but I have never allowed it to conquer me. I have had a great deal of sorrow and heartahce, but I am not alone in that. Sometimes in our lives we have all had something that makes our hearts ache, our souls hurt. We have to choose what if anything we do about that. Do we let it get us down, do we move forward, do we let it keep us in one place, never moving anywhere.
I was under the impression that I could vent all of my sorrow, frustration and misery to him. That's what he told me to do, then to find that he seen me that way, was crushing. He is one of the only people I laugh with anymore, one of the only people I want to be around, and for him to see me that way, was devastating.

I struggle everyday of my life. There is a constant battle between my head and my body, and usually no matter how hard I fight, my body always wins the battle. I deal with pain and the loss of my body constantly, but with his omission I realized that I have hidden this side of myself from everyone. They only can see what I let them, and if I never let anyone see that side, how will they know. How will anyone understand what I go through, no one ever could unless I let them in.

I can now at least understand where this idea came from, I just hope that it came from him and not someone else.

I want him to see me, the me that I have only let a few see. It can only be good for our friendship, it I am hoping cannot hurt it.

I really thought he knew me, I was so wrong. How do I show him me without closing off the parts that will made him think otherwise. How do I let me gaurd down, and show that I am not the negative thought. I am HOPE, in all it's wonder, it's joy and it's saddness. That is what I am, can he see that... someday I hope my friend can.