My Warped Ideas

This is a site about the struggle's I have in my life. Thru it all, I hold out for one thing, HOPE. Thru all the darkness and when the light seems to be ever fading, I hold HOPE close to me, knowing that it alone, will guide my heart. JUST WHEN WE THINK IT WON'T HAPPEN, LIFE SUDDENLY STARTS AGAIN!!

Name:
Location: Ontario, Canada

This is all about me, in the words that follow I show my struggle's, my fear's, my pain. Yet through it all, I hold out. For I believe there is one thing, that is always eternal in me, and that is my hope. My hope that through all the darkness, when light seems to be ever fading that no matter what way I turn I feel only coldness, I hold hope close to my soul, knowing that it alone, will guide me. That no matter the stuggle's, I have an angel that sits on my shoulder, and speaks quietly in my ear. I know that although I feel alone, I will never be.

3.26.2005

The World We Live In

Today was a rough day for me, at least in the way that I had my guts ripped out, not once but three times. I have been watching my mom, who has been exteremly sick as of late, and getting thinner, to the scary point that a skeleton has more meat on its figure. With this she has become ever more tired and weak. Now although she has been sick, the only thing that really bothers her, is that she is weak. It breaks my heart to see her sad, and a part of her is falling to the side. She did however go to our local hospital for help, well that was like walking thru nursery school when the teacher had left the room. All the so called Doctor's(and I use that word loosley) where at a loss, at what to do.. Here's a hint, see someone who is basically starving to death, because they can't keep food in thier bodies, give them an IV and admit them. They sent her home and said if you need us, please come back.WHAT for, a poorly written episode of ER I can watch on satallite.
Now the other heart wretching things today, I have two beautiful, wonderful usually healthy and very happy little nieces. One is 5, but acts 25, the other is 2, and acts, well 2. The problem is they are both, very sick. When my sister-in-law decided that this was getting out of hand, she went to our local After Hours Clinic, so as not take up space at the hospital. Nice of her, huh.. I thought so..
Well great idea, except that because it's a "religious" holiday(and I use that word lightly as well, I mean come on, when did an Easter bunny that gives out chocolate, mean anything religious to anyone, but those making the chocolate, but that's another rant) anyway, the clinic's, that are suppose to be there to HELP where closed!!
Now call me silly, but everyone and thier poodle knows, that medical attention is a 24-7 thing. It doesn't take "vacations", for any reason. So she had to sit in the hospital waiting room for over 3 hours, with a little girl, crying in pain because her ears as it turns out, are full of fluid from an infection. Then after being told that another three hours where needed before anyone was seen, she went home. To her other poor little sick baby.
The littlest has a rash, that only a woman could understand. I know from experience that if it makes me want to jump into a vat of warm water, I can't imagine what a little 2yr old would be feeling. I feel worse because it seems that all the shitty bad gene's my family has, was passed down to these two incredible children. I feel even worse for my brother and his wife, because they try to comfort thier sick chidren and make it better, but when those that are intrusted with the care of our families, closes there doors. When the wait, for anyone, is so long, that mold is actually starting to grow from the snot that's become caked on the face of the kid across from you. When gangreen sets in after a wait, of what must seem to a sick child, a lifetime.
What has the world we live in come too.

3.20.2005

Not sure

I am never sure what to put here. It is supposed to be an outlet for me to scream, cry or both. Things here are so lonley. Sounds pathatic I know. I am not one to wallo in self pity, so I won't.
I think that I will just write about whatever pops in my head, that way when I lay down at night, the thoughts won't still be floating around in there like goo.

I am however a tad peeved at my relatives. They came from another province to visit, which in itself is all good. Uncle, Aunt and 2 cousins, none of them children. My mom has had some major surgery recently (and that is a whole other BLOG) and they wanted to see her. Okay great!!
So for one week, I cleaned up, cooked for, gave up my computer, t.v and what little peace I have had since my mom came home. So when they left I thought, in the very least, a "Thanks"..
What I got instead was nothing!
They did however give my mom a beautiful little gift, the bought my nieces gifts...... they even gave my mom this nice little card that said " Thanks for sharing your house with us, Bo"

Well I was floored. The note wasn't for my mom and us. IT was strickly for her.

Uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........................................
Am I the only one that thinks that RUDE!!!

Well anyway, I am destined to write my frustration yet again with people and their lack of thought for anything that does not sit directly infront of them, biting them on the face.
I have a theory about that, but that's for another day.
Good night All