What is a Friend?

What is A Friend?
What is a Friend? I will tell you.
It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself.
Your soul can be naked with him.
He seems to ask of you to put on nothing, only to be what you are.
He does not want you to be better or worse.
When you are with him, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent.
You do not have to be on your guard.
You can say what you think, so long as it is genuinely you.

He understands those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you.
With him you breathe freely.
You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meannesses and absurdities and, in opening them up to him, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of his loyalty.
He understands, You do not have to be careful.
You can abuse him, neglect him, tolerate him.
Best of all, you can be still with him.
It makes no matter. He likes you. He is like fire that purges to the bone.
He understands. He understands
You can weep with him, sin with him, laugh with him, pray with him.
Through it all- and underneath-he sees, knows and loves you.
A Friend? What is a Friend?
Just one, I repeat, with whom you dare to be yourself.

C. Raymond Beran

Negative thoughts.....

Recently someone told me that they seen me as a negative person. Maybe if it had been anyone else, this would have not bothered me so, but this came from someone I thought knew me, at least better than that. I know that life can get to me, as it does with anyone, but I have never allowed it to conquer me. I have had a great deal of sorrow and heartahce, but I am not alone in that. Sometimes in our lives we have all had something that makes our hearts ache, our souls hurt. We have to choose what if anything we do about that. Do we let it get us down, do we move forward, do we let it keep us in one place, never moving anywhere.
I was under the impression that I could vent all of my sorrow, frustration and misery to him. That's what he told me to do, then to find that he seen me that way, was crushing. He is one of the only people I laugh with anymore, one of the only people I want to be around, and for him to see me that way, was devastating.

I struggle everyday of my life. There is a constant battle between my head and my body, and usually no matter how hard I fight, my body always wins the battle. I deal with pain and the loss of my body constantly, but with his omission I realized that I have hidden this side of myself from everyone. They only can see what I let them, and if I never let anyone see that side, how will they know. How will anyone understand what I go through, no one ever could unless I let them in.

I can now at least understand where this idea came from, I just hope that it came from him and not someone else.

I want him to see me, the me that I have only let a few see. It can only be good for our friendship, it I am hoping cannot hurt it.

I really thought he knew me, I was so wrong. How do I show him me without closing off the parts that will made him think otherwise. How do I let me gaurd down, and show that I am not the negative thought. I am HOPE, in all it's wonder, it's joy and it's saddness. That is what I am, can he see that... someday I hope my friend can.